A Tearful Heart
by The-Blue-Rebel
Summary: Rhine is devastated after Jenna dies, but when a night of being vulnerable with Linden leads to shocking consequences. Rhine has to choose either being free to be with the boy she is falling for or the man that is her husband, who's feelings are ran deep.
1. Goodbye Is Always Hard

"Yes Lady Rhine." And with that, one of the new attendants that now services the food, was gone from my room, taking back the tray of food with him. I know I should've snapped at him, It just wasn't like me. But, I really didn't want to be bothered today. Or tomorrow. Or even the next month.

All I wanted to do, was curl up in my bed and cry myself to sleep. Or at least cry till I couldn't anymore. I wonder if you can really run out of tears? Or do they just keep pouring down like a waterfall? Never ending, and always making you wonder how they could still have water, after all that time.

Either way...It won't change the intense, clenching, pain that is rippling through my heart.

Jenna is gone. Dead. And probably right below my feet being experimented on, like a dead fish being cut apart. That though alone made, my already nauseated stomach, clench in another wave of sickness. I knew it wouldn't be long before I have to make a beeline for the bathroom. I've been crying too much, and I haven't had anything in my stomach in the last two days. Since...What happened with Jenna.

I knew Vaughn had to have something to do with it, somehow, someway. From what I've heard, and seen from Rose, it took almost a year for it to kill her. And Jenna was too young to get the virus.

It just couldn't happen like that...And Vaughn has always had it out for Jenna.

Which made my stomach, again clench. I hated the thought that if it was because of me that it happened. Her covering for me, so I could see Gabriel. Or going to see if he was alive, and being caught by our "Lovely" father-In-law.

I never found out what happened after that. But, I knew it was enough to shake Jenna up. More then I knew she would admit or share with me.

But now she can't tell me anyway.

And that thought alone was enough to make me break into a weeping fit. The tears that poured down my face, kept coming. My vision was no longer clear, even though it really wasn't a moment ago either, and my face burned like a sunburn. I couldn't contain the sobs that burst out from my chapped lips.

Or maybe I just didn't care to do so?

"Sweetheart?" Was the only thing I heard through my intense sobs, that, and the door being opened and then shut. I didn't have to look up to know who that voice belongs to. My green eyed husband. The man, I should've been furious at. But, I couldn't bring my heart into it.

My mind, and my heart weren't on the same terms as each other.

"Y-Yes?" I couldn't help but stutter through the thick lump in the back of my throat. Not to mention it felt like thousand of little sparks of fire when I tried to speak. I guess two days of screaming in agony, and weeping beyond limits would do that.

"Oh, sweetheart...I know you two were close, but I'm getting worried. I've been told you haven't eaten since yesterday morning." I hear Linden say, and then, I felt a shift on the other side of the bed. I knew he was going to try to comfort me, even though he wasn't the best at it.

He wasn't even close to Jenna. Their relationship was just purely sexual. No emotional attachment.

Unlike, Linden and I. Who owns a part of my heart. Him, Gabriel, Jenna, Cecily, Rowan, my parents, even Deirdre and Bowen, own a piece of it.

They all held one piece, small or huge, in their souls. And it was pieces that make up my heart.

But...Jenna took hers, where my parents took theirs. Hopefully in a peaceful, happier place.

Unlike the living hell that is in this mansion. The Ashby mansion.

More like a bird cage.

That only Jenna and Rose got to escape from. Only by death.

"Rhine?" That is when I snapped out of my thoughts, only to be brought back to reality. Where my cheeks are stained with tears, and my eyes are even more out of focus then before. I knew I must have been bawling my eyes out, even when I was off in my own world.

And I didn't even notice that I was now in Linden's arms, and he was stroking my hair with such care, such gentleness, that I couldn't help but give into the touch. In this vulnerable state, I wasn't much for putting up a fight to anything. Which could be a real danger here, with Linden and Vaughn.

But that didn't stop me from sobbing, and screaming into Linden's chest. Letting out all the rage, and heartbreak that I've been bottling up all this time. From losing my parents, and then being taken away from my brother. To losing Rose, and now, Jenna. My only incredibly close sister-wife I had.

"Shhh, it's okay." I heard Linden coo in my ear, as he pulled me closer to his body. It was warm, and comforting to have someone now.

Maybe I didn't have my head on straight, maybe it was the alcohol I had earlier.

But...

I thought of one way to numb my pain.

And one thing Linden has wanted.

I leaned up, and I pressed my lips passionately against Linden's. Who, in turn, kissed back just as passionate. But shyly.

I knew this night would change everything.

I just didn't know how much yet.

**_TBC_**


	2. The Day After

I could see the sweat glimmering in the sunlight, it was like a thousand little diamonds covering my body. My nude body, that was only shied by the thin, silk cream colored sheet around me. I knew it was early, maybe four or five in the morning. But, I couldn't go back to sleep. Not after what happened last night.

I lost my virginity to...Linden. I gave in. I let my vulnerable state ruin all I've held onto. And possibly ruin any chance I had at being with Gabriel.

Or escaping...

"Time for bath." I was snapped out of my thoughts by Deirdre's cheerful voice. Maybe I was wrong about the time. She usually doesn't come till around noon.

I, on instincts, then pulled the sheet tighter around myself, when my senses came back. I was completely bare, and covered in sweat and semen. I did not want Deidre to see me like this. Regret covering my body like a second skin. A mistake that should've never happened, but did.

And all that was left to show for it was the fluids that now cover my body.

"Um...I'll go run it myself. T-Thank you though." I told her, and with that, and a little hesitation, Deirdre was gone from the room.

I breathed out a sigh of relief, as I moved my body off the bed, taking the sheet around my body, with me. It was like it was in slow motion, or like I was watching everything I was doing in another body. Surreal almost.

My legs felt like jelly, all rubbery, as I made my way into the bathroom. I kept my view on the bath, and the bath alone. If I saw what I looked like in the mirror, I know I would break. The one thing I've kept at bay, would finally fall apart.

I would fall apart.

And the nauseated feeling in the pit of my stomach would make it's self known. Probably all over the floor. Because I felt too weak to make it to the toilet.

But, I held it in, and I willed myself to the bath. Dropping the sheet I had a death-grip on, onto the cold tile floor.

And as I watched the water pour down into the bath like a steaming waterfall, I thought of Jenna.

And how she would probably be shaking her head right now, in disappointment.

I couldn't stop the tears that slid down my already stained cheeks.

* * *

><p>"Shhh, Bowen, please!" I heard Cecily exclaim in her loud voice from across the hall. I knew she was probably trying to breastfeed him again, and again, it probably wasn't going the way she hope'd . I knew Vaughn was feeding him formula behind Cecily's back. I wanted to tell her, but, I knew she wouldn't listen.<p>

Vaughn had her, and Linden wrapped around his finger so tightly, that there was nothing that could make them see differently about him.

Only Jenna and I saw different...

My heart started aching again, and I could feel tears welling up in the back of my eyes. I held them at bay though, I didn't want to break down here. I had to be presentable.

I had to be the actress I have become, and pretend everything is fine.

I'm the first wife of Linden Ashby.

I moved across the hall with quiet steps, almost like a ghost. I headed towards the library, or at least I was, till I ran into a warm frame. A frame I got to know very well last night. One that moved with my body, and made me regret it the very next day.

Linden...

"Sweetheart? Are you alright? You look a little pale." As Linden says this, as he steps back and cups my cheeks with his hands. His hands softly caresses my cheeks. Making my cheeks then burn a fire hot blush. This time, it wasn't faked.

And neither was my pulse jumping up. But, I rather not admit or acknowledge that one.

"Y-Yes, I'm fine. Just a little tired, that's all." I mentally cursed at myself for stuttering. I never stutter around him, why did I start now?

Something is out of place here. These feelings and all.

"Are you sure?" Linden persists, his green eyes holding nothing but concern, and worry in them. It almost made me want to tell the truth. Almost.

"Yeah. I'm sure." I plastered a fake smile on my lips, and stepped away from his grasp. I didn't even look in his direction, as I walked into the library. I didn't want to see the hurt laced in his eyes, like tightly woven vines.

I also didn't want to remember last night.

But, the nausea waves in my stomach was too much of a reminder to forget.

Wait...Why do I keep feeling nausea?

Maybe it's just all the crying I've been doing. Or not eating. I don't know when the last time I've felt the need to eat. Or act like I was living.

I don't even feel all that alive right now. Even as I sit down in one of the armchairs, and picked up the last book I was reading before...Jenna fell sick with the virus.

Before she died.

Because of trying to protect me...And Gabriel.

I wonder what he is doing. If is alright? Or is he being tortured by Vaughn. Maybe Vaughn found out about our plan.

The sickening thought made me vomit a bit, in the back of my throat. I couldn't, and wouldn't stand the thought of that happening. It was only way out of here. For freedom.

But...

To see Linden's face, broken and shattered to pieces, I felt a part of me wanting to stay, a huge part of me. To make him happy.

And that shocked, and frighten me more then I would let on.

I had to make a choice before the end of the month though.

One that would change everything for the three of us. Linden, Gabriel, and I.

An Ivy of freedom.

Or a key-card of a soft heart.

The choice was mine for the taking...

And breaking.

**_TBC_**

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN_**

**_I hope you all enjoy this chapter! And this story!_**

**_Thank you to all of you who has read this story. It means a lot._**

**_Also, thank you to: buddyrox818 for the review and favorite! It meant a ton to me!_**


	3. Cold Realization

It's been a month since what happened between Linden and I.

I don't think words could describe the feelings that have passed through me, like a cold whisper, through out this time. Pain, confusion, love, disgust, anger...

And finally, sadness. Pure, heavy, sadness. For Jenna. For what I did.

For that...I may never see my brother again.

Or for Gabriel...My confusing attraction for the service boy, who is trying to find a way for us to have freedom.

I've been conflicted about escaping. So very much. My feelings for Linden have been getting stronger, as much as I try to deny it, I can't help feeling like...I need him, that I want him. As much as I try to hold onto what Jenna told me, I keep getting swept into the charm he arouses in me.

And what that night changed for us.

"Come along, time to dress!" Deirdre says, making her presences known to me again, as she helps me out of the bath. I guess I got lost in my own world again, that I lost time of how long I've been in the bath. The water was now cold, and so was my nude body. I could see the visible goosebumps on my arms.

I've been in way too long.

In this bath, and in this birdcage.

As I glided myself out of the icy bath, the wave was back. The nausea.

It's been this way since...Before. A month ago. It hit unsuspected at all times of the day. But I wasn't willing to inform Linden...For the fear of what it might be. I had thoughts on it. Of what could it be...And the idea of it. Of why. Made me not want to know. I didn't want to figure out just yet.

I was pleased with no knowing...I hope.

If I was dying...

I would get out of here faster I suppose. Only without my brother...

That thought caused tears beyond tears. I didn't even shied them away as Deirdre helped me dress. I just didn't have the engery. For this, or for anything. All that has happened has taken a toll, but I wasn't going to give up. I couldn't.

For Jenna.

* * *

><p>"This isn't cooked all the way! Take it back!" I could hear Cecily's shrike from all the way across the long table. The table looked like it went on for miles. But it was like I was seated right next to her. The stinging in my ears from that was scream was not pleasant in any way.<p>

I didn't even notice that I let out a pitiful sigh, till Linden made it known.

"Something wrong, sweetheart?" His tone was soft. Concerned. He has been for the last month.

I haven't been close to him at the least. I've been avoiding him so much that we don't see each other at all. It was wrong, and a very risky move. But I couldn't handle being near him...The memories. His body joined with mine. Made the guilt unbearable.

His face was worried, but I could see the pain shining through. And for some reason my heart squeezed. It was tight. Painful.

And I had no idea why. Or maybe I didn't want to..

"Just missing the summer air, that's all." The lie slipped so easily, I almost believed myself. It has become a natural to do so. Hide what's within. I missed Jenna so much more now.

We were real with one another.

Unlike everything else that in this mansion.

"It won't be long, only a few more months." Linden says, as he lifts the drink in his hand to his lips. A small smile was on them. And it made me almost do the same.

I just might be going insane...Or maybe it was just the nausea. That has to be it.

Even though in my soul, I knew that was not the truth.

This was goin' to be a long dinner...

* * *

><p>I was getting fat.<p>

No, my stomach was. Rounder, a bit, but still noticeable. Every way I turned in the mirror the same image was shown. The ill truth of something I didn't want to believe.

The higher I brought up my night dress. Only showed more of this realization, that I did not want to come out of denial of but that doesn't seem possible now.

This trapping, cruel, realization only made me more ill.

And even as my slightly swollen stomach glowed in the moonlight, making it look almost beautiful. It was also making everything sink it.

I would not be able to escape.

I would never see freedom.

I would never to see Rowan.

And I would fall into what Jenna and I vowed to never.

...

I was pregnant. With Linden's child.

This just got more complicated.

_**TBC**_

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN_**

**_I'm so sorry! I know I haven't updated in a while, and I know that's terrible. But with school and everything...It's not easy. But here it is, chapter three!_**

**_I would like to thank: bebo88, buddyrox818, Georgina McGonagle, Courtneyfan14 and Swifty14._**

**_For the wonderful, and downright sweet reviews! I hope you like this short chapter also. You guys rock._**

**_I hope you all have a great night or day!_**

**_Bye. :)_**


	4. What Path Is The Right One?

The morning after my realization, was agonizing and quite tiring. Each time I saw my reflection in a mirror, my eyes would wandered down to my tiny bump. Which was the only thing that was portraying what Linden and I had done. And it was the only thing that was keeping me here. And keeping me from running off with Gabriel.

Or finding my brother...

I let out a pitiful sigh at that thought, and I fell back onto my bed. The covers of silk, cream colored sheets. I was never too fond of this color. It was too dull. Too worn. But at this moment in time. This was exactly what I needed. Boring. Worn. Because everything else wasn't. My life was getting torn at the edges and this new realization only made it that much more tainted. That I might end up like Jenna or worse...Cecily. The only one of us wives that was happy to be here.

She is naive. She is young. And she was torn from the life she should've had. Being a child. Doing what children do. Using the time in their hourglass for freedom and bubbling laughter. But now she is a mother herself. Her life is wasted, and she doesn't even mind. She embraces it even. And even if I am resentful towards her, I do pity her. For the life she will never have. And the one she could've had.

I stared at the ceiling for what felt like years. Only staring. While my thoughts ran with the wind. There were mostly pondered on the person that was nuzzled beneath my skin. The only evidence of that night. And the new rock in my path. This would make escaping that much more difficult. Not only for my body...But what lies in my heart. For who is the one that holds the key to it.

At first Linden was someone I despised. Someone I loathed to my very core. But now...I wasn't so sure. Why did my heart pick up in pace when I saw him? Why did my heart ache at the thought of leaving him? Why did I let him take what I've held so dearly? Those were question that I knew the answer to...But I didn't want to admit to myself that they were true.

But why can't I see myself living in this prison with someone that is only a puppet in his father's game either? Because I know that isn't how I would want to live the rest of my days. It isn't how I want my life story to end. But that didn't make leaving that much easier.

It felt like I was being pulled by two different ropes. One attached to freedom...The other, attached to those sparkling green eyes. The father of my child. And the man I was forced to be married to. Even if it didn't feel like force anymore...

"Lady Rhine! Are you feeling ill? Why are you still in your evening gown?" Deidre exclaimed, sounding quite frantic. I was so lost in my only wonder, that I didn't hear her come in. I trailed my eyes over to where Deidre was standing and I could see nothing but concern for myself in her eyes..They were dripped thickly with it. It made my veins fill with guilt and I forced a smile to play on my lips. For her sake.

"No, I'm feeling fine. Just a little tired." Not a single thought was wasted, when these lies slipped through my lips. It seems like the person I am is slipping away with every lie I spill. And what replaced it was someone I didn't know in the mirror. Someone I never wanted to be.

And maybe that is why I wanted to run away...Because I knew the person I've tried to fight tooth and nail for, was slipping away. All that was left is a speck of what it used to be.

"Do you need anything? Water? Food? I could ring up the food attendant, if you need-"

"It's alright, Deidre. I don't need anything. I'm just going to get some rest. If that is alright?" I didn't mean to cut her off, so harshly. It wasn't how I am. Even if my emotions were spiraling out of my control. I would never take it out on an innocent person. Especially sweet Deidre. But here I was...Doing what I would have never done.

Maybe it was the pregnancy. Maybe it was the sleepless night. Or maybe both were fueling my emotions. I would not have a clue. I'm conflicted about most things now days...This was nothing new. But this was nothing old either.

Oh, if only Jenna was here to guide me...She would have a plan. She would know what to do...She would just know. But she wasn't here...She couldn't save me now. My life was in deadlock. And I couldn't break the lock over it.

But did I really want to...?

"Yes, Lady Rhine. I'll let the others know you need your rest. Good day, Lady Rhine." Deidre bowed slightly, and left the room quickly. I could almost swear I seen hurt coat her face. But I wasn't too sure. But even that thought added to the long layers of guilt.

What is happening to me?

* * *

><p>"Sweetheart...Wake up, Sweetie." I felt myself being swayed back and forth, gently. It was like I was on a boat, being swayed by the gentle waves. It was calming and it made me want to pause time for a few moments. If only the nausea didn't decide at that very second to make an appearance. Well isn't this dandy...<p>

"Sweetheart...? Are you alright? You look ill." I fluttered my long eyelashes a few times, before my eyes finally adjusted to the light. I could see from the window, that it was almost evening. I slept the whole day away. I haven't done that, since the first time I tried to escape...

Maybe it's just the pregnancy...This baby must be taking a lot out of me. Bowen didn't even cause Cecily this much trouble when she was pregnant with him. Why was it this hard, this early, for me? I didn't understand, and quite honestly, I was too tired to care. At least right now.

"I'm fine..." I mumbled softly, trying to keep what little I eaten yesterday down. It was a struggle but I was doing my best to hide how I was actually feeling. I didn't want Linden to know I was pregnant. I didn't want anyone to know. I couldn't live with myself if Vaughn used my baby, just like he uses Bowen. It would rip my heart to shreds.

I've seen what he has done. I've heard what he has done before. And I will not let my life be controlled by that monster. Or let my baby become another puppet in his game. Even if it meant leaving Linden...Who is gazing at me with concern. His green eyes deeply dipped in it.

Just like Deidre's was...

That made my heart clench tightly. Like the bird cage I'm trapped inside of. It was as if the walls were clenching tighter and tighter. Making it even more known that I was only an prisoner. That I had my wings clipped.

"You don't look fine...Sweetheart, why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?" His voice went soft, and I could almost feel the hurt running off his body. And for one reason or another, it shattered something inside of myself. This was just getting more and more complicated with every day. These feelings...The what if's. And now this pregnancy...

Gabriel will never forgive me for what I had done. That much was sure. I gave Linden what I swore to not only him, but to Jenna, I wouldn't. And now I was carrying said man's child. This was the unforgivable.

But I can't give up...I made that promise to Jenna.

But that doesn't make this any easier.

I had two choices. Neither easy...But only one path can be taken.

The ivy or the key-card...

But either way...This child was going to get freedom.

I just had to figure out how. And soon.

**_TBC_**

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN_**

**_Omg! I'm soooo, sooooo sorry I haven't wrote anything, for months now. I've been through writers block and it sucked. But, now, I'm back! And hopefully with more chapters! I will not give up on this story, I promise you that. Slowly, but surely, I will continue to write this story for all you amazing people. _**

**_So I would like to thank-_**

**_burnt-rose15, Tabby Dreamer, buddyrox818, bebo88, Huntress3419, AvidReaderAshley, SmartBlondie13, AiUchihaUzumaki, starlight568, WriterReader13, jinxed1919, Averill-of-Loup, Clove the knife girl, CocoMonkeyGirl, The Girl of the Moon, iskipwheni'mhappy, 2luvornot2luv, midnight0sun95, awesomeprincessdragon and lillyrosenight.  
><em>**

**_-For all the amazing and quite day-brightening reviews, alerts, and favorites. If I could hug each of you and tell you how awesome you are, I would. Over and over again. Because, honestly, I think you all are the most amazing people ever. And I thank you for being soooo patient. _**

**_So thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this. It means a ton. _**

**_Till the next chapter...Where Gabriel comes in and drama flies. ;)_**

**_Have a good day/night! :) _**


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